Realization of Freedom.

Butterflies

Originally written on July 30, 2012

Today as I logged into my Fursona’s fan page on a social media site. I got the same old column of other peoples pages, and the “Do you know “____”? About two or three down on that list was a link to my my ex-primal mate’s page. He had a new profile picture of himself and a new playmate.

Now here you will probably expect a tirade about all that happened, or at the fates that allowed me to see this image. But IN REALITY, I FEEL NOTHING. I mean NOTHING… no jealousy, no spite, not even the ache of missing him that had been lingering. I showed the image to my furry mate, and we commented that my ex was getting chubby, most likely from the change that he had to make in diet due to health issues. We also said how cute his new paramour was.

I did not realize till later, as I took a long bath, and thought back about the moment. That I had reacted in a vastly different way than during the last several months. No tears, no sadness, really not much emotion at all. I had been worrying that I would ALWAYS feel so … tied, bound, whatever, to this man.

I have just come to accept that it would always be that way, and then today… to realize that I was Finally Free of the lingering emotions. That I could look on his new found happiness with a thought of “Good for you”. 

I realized that I had finally gotten my heart back. I AM FREE!!!

 

My Primal Aspect.

Santa Fe Photogram

Originally written July 2012

I have for years struggled with the wolf that lives within me. When I was three my wolf became feral and I attacked another child. This promoted the shamanic circle to “lock” her in my mind where she could no longer do damage. I knew she was there, and sometimes could feel her moods. But she was never as predominant as now. I was 33 when a friend discovered how to “unlock” her.

So began an odyssey that I am still working on to this day. Most find their therian or otherkin affinity as a youth, to find one this late in life and try to integrate it is incredibly hard. I started with finding what “I” was as a human. During this time of my early throes of trying to integrate the wolf and human side I met my mate Toolbox. He is otherkin and helped with the primal urges, but he is not WOLF. This left a niggling feeling of incompleteness in my life. This built and built for several years until I just started hunting for something to stop the urges and pain.

Over two years ago a friend took me into Second Life and I became a wolf furry, this helped some, but I was still searching. I discovered I was attracted to the more predatory furrys, and absolutely melted when a Wolf furry would notice me.

About a year and a half ago I found a wolf kin in real life, and we began a relationship, and I can actually say, He helped me more than any other person in my life. He showed me what it was to be a wolf kindred. He was the first wolf kindred I had ever met. Sadly that ended due to the human sides of our spirits.

In the ensuing months since the break up, I have become very feral, probably due to my healing spirit. My wolf is vicious and edgy. I am staying away from large crowds and assemblies of people. Probably safer for both the people and I. In my research I have found that wolves mate for life. Perhaps this is part of my wolfs issues.

I would not like to give up my human side, this is what people love about me, but I will never cage my wolf again. Nor will I allow another to do so. I am working through “her” pain and remorse. And I am learning to control, not cage “her”. One of the hardest things I think I have ever done in my life.

The WOLF gives strength and stamina.
The HUMAN gives logic and compassion.
Together we are Alphynen.

 

Alpha of Mephit Manor Pack

Alpha Blackwolf the Loup Garou

As It was Prior to 11-13-11:

I am Alpha of Persephone’s Pack.

Stand aside and be spared.

Stand before me, and justice will befall you.

Harm me, and DaemonWolfen will bring forth all the Fury of Hell down upon you,

and Toolbox will grind your bones for mortar.

During my Recovery:

I am Alpha, my own best friend.

a  lone wolf  that will never cry out for help.

For there is no one but  Me to hear.

I will take my shattered heart, and carefully mend it.

I will find the strength, the will to survive on my own.

Rouge and alone forever.

Present and into the Future….

I am Alpha.

Alpha Bitch of Mephit Manor Pack. No longer alone.

Mate to Ailuranthrope Toolbox,

Mate to Mephitisthrope Abitfuzzy.

Sister to Merhuman Kharmon,

and Goldilocks to Cheshirescorp.

I now find the same strength, the same peace, as before.

MY PACK, MY HOME.

ODE TO A LONE WOLF

 

Lone Wolf and Alphynen

You came into my life, and my soul leaped.

We bonded and the world seemed to spin around you.

You gave me the confidence to grow, to go beyond my limits.

Then those limits passed you by, and I was no longer the one you wanted.

Your leaving ripped my soul apart, but that confidence I gained?

Well It is what I have rebuilt upon.

Bigger, better, stronger, no longer in need of others to shore up the edges.

I see now that we would never have worked.

I thank you for what you have done.

But I am thankful you are no longer part of my life now.

Wolf Totem Spirits

If Wolf has called on you, you will find the following traits enhanced in your life:

Wolfspirit ~by ~Carol Cavalaris ’09

A sense of loyalty and a sense of ritual, but never lacking in personal freedom… a higher intelligence and increased awareness, but never forgetting the joys of life and how to remain playful…and heightened strength and energy, but ever-mindful that a peaceful solution is always best. In all this, and more, Wolf will be your guide.

Wolf inspires true balance, as they are both free spirited and family-oriented at the same time. Extremely loyal and faithful to their pack, they are rich in the spirit of acting in harmony, peace and respect, and honouring the system of rank by which they live, but they are also fiercely independent creatures and will spend time on their own. Those with Wolf as their totem will be taught how to manage a strong family connection without losing their own personal identity.

The more a person works with the spirit of Wolf, the more they may find themselves taking on the personality of their totem, so much so that they themselves will begin to display the characteristics of either the Alpha Wolf or a Pack Wolf. The Alpha Wolf personality is leader of the pack and will help the more timid person take on a more active and outgoing role in life. The Pack Wolf personality is lower in the hierarchy and knows its place within the group. This medicine is helpful to a more aggressive and egotistical person, as it teaches him how to share the limelight, be more conscious of and helpful to others, and be more willing to compromise and work for the benefit of the whole.

Wolves are extremely intelligent and very social, and their senses are keen.
Wolf teaches you how to listen, how to be acutely aware of your surroundings, and how to rely on your intuitions. In fact those with Wolf medicine will find their intuition sharpened and precise, and will begin to use it more rapidly and readily. Wolf is synonymous with the word “Guardian”, and guardianship is one thing’s he teaches and bestows. With intuition heightened and with the knowledge Wolf brings to light through his sharp intellect and acute senses, a person under the tutelage of Wolf Spirit will find himself protective of family and friends, while their own Guardian Spirit protects them.

A Wolf will take risks, but never foolishly. They are noted as being the Pathfinders of the animal world. Exploring is second nature to them. Those who study and work with Wolf may find themselves seeking new adventures and studying new religions, as Wolf medicine takes spirituality to task and is very connected to ritualistic paths.

Wolf will also teach you how to speak up, and always with truth and sincerity.
In the same way that their howls are used to signal to one another, or to call on or locate other members of their pack, those with Wolf medicine will find themselves wanting to share knowledge with their own kind…be it vocally or through some other form of communication, such as writing. Wolves will also use their howls as a form of greeting each other, and sometimes will just howl for the sheer pleasure of it. In this, they teach you to look at life with camaraderie and joy.

The way that Wolves can at times be playful and interactive is seen in the way they react to Ravens, with who they cohabitate and even assist one another with survival. This is done in two ways; one, they warn each other of approaching dangers, and two, they lead each other to food. Because Ravens are known to make a ruckus when danger is nearby, the Wolf has learned to take heed of Raven’s different types of calls, and to watch in which direction he flies; thus giving him advanced warning of the same danger. The same can be said of how Raven interacts with Wolf, for upon hearing Wolf howl, Raven too is alerted to whatever danger may be in the area. When it comes to helping each other find food, it is believed that Wolves watch the Raven’s flight patterns, where a certain pattern will indicate that possible prey is nearby. Once the Wolves bring down a prey and as they are gorging, the Ravens alight nearby and wait their turn at whatever scraps are left. It seems that Ravens are the spotters and the Wolves the hunters, and afterward comes the feast that both enjoy and share. Raven however will not touch a carcass unless Wolf has eaten first, leading some to believe that Raven (who is also noted for being very intelligent) uses Wolf’s intuition to test what meat is good and what meat may be bad. For all these reasons Raven has been nicknamed “Wolf-bird”. Those with Wolf totem should also look into working with Raven Spirit too.

Wolves are peace loving and normally not a danger to anyone. But they are also strong and very territorial, and because of this it is best to use a “knock before you enter” approach to those with Wolf Spirit.

On these things and many others, Wolf is a great teacher.
by – Patricia Jean Martin

Wolf Totem Medicine:

Canis Rufus in foliage.

The spirit of wolf brings with it many different meanings. If the wolf totem has entered your life recently take a moment to stop and reflect on some of the following messages:

• Teaching, Guidance: Have you recently been faced with a difficult choice or do you feel you lack the information or experience to make an important decision? Wolf is regarded as one of the most powerful spirit guides of all, and its presence is a message of guidance. If the wolf spirit has appeared to you, seek wisdom from those you respect and pause to learn about the subject that faces you. Once the wolf spirit equips you with knowledge you may take action with confidence.
• Loyalty, Community: Have you become alienated from your loved ones, are you staying at home all of time? The wolf totem urges us to ensure that you are playing your part in the community and that loyalties are properly maintained. Pick up the phone or hit the keyboard, get in touch with the people you’ve been neglecting. Get out of the house and invest some time and energy in that hobby you’ve been thinking about.
• Intuition, Prudence: Is a strong desire or passion stopping you from thinking clearly, is an opportunity being dangled in front of you? The wolf guide is strongly connected to lunar power which symbolizes intuition. It is well known that wolf packs subsist almost entirely off the old, sick, and the lame, meaning the pack does not take unnecessary risks. Wolves are also known to chase prey for dozens of miles while taking turns in hot pursuit. Conserve your strength and be cautious in your approach to any difficult or tempting situations. Do not overextend yourself and instead trust your heart. Take time to fully consider the situation from every angle and don’t be afraid to say no.
• Discipline, Order: Do you feel lost, has your life strayed completely off track? The wolf totem carries a message of discipline and order. Like howling at the moon and greeting pack members upon return, wolves maintain many rituals. The structure and order that the pack maintains ensures security and purpose for all of its members. An important message that the wolf spirit brings is to take account of your schedule and daily routines. If you’ve allowed yourself to live impulsively and aren’t really accomplishing then sit down and commit to changing. Take small steps at first and soon you’ll find things falling into place.
• Communication, Teamwork: Are you going it alone, are the challenges of life beginning to overwhelm you? While the concept of a lone wolf is a popular one, it is extremely rare. Wolves invest their very survival in their pack and their social structure is both complex and varied. If the wolf pack has shown itself, the meaning is that you must stop and take account of your relationships. Don’t be afraid to seek assistance and fresh perspective on a project. Don’t bottle up your feelings and communicate, you’ll be surprised by the amount of resources that wait in the hands of friends and family.

Taken from ~ http://alltotems.com/wolf-totem-symbolism-and-meaning/

Wiccan as apposed to Satanist.

Fight the Fear ~ Proud Wiccan

Soon Samhain (Halloween) will be upon us, one of the Highest held traditions of the Wiccan year. Because of centuries of religious propaganda and misinformation, many conservative Christians, and others, associate Pagans/Wiccan’s with Satanists even though the two belief systems are as different as Christianity and Atheism.The following was written by a Wiccan Priestess to help End the Propaganda spread centuries ago, and end the hate and the fear, let us each live in peace.

We are not evil. We don’t harm or seduce people
We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you.
We have families, jobs, hopes, and dreams. We are not a cult.
This religion is not a joke. We are not what you think we are from looking at T.V.
We are real. We laugh, we cry. We are serious. We have a sense of humor.
You don’t have to be afraid of us. We don’t want to convert you.
And please don’t try to convert us.
Just give us the same right we give you–to live in peace.
We are much more similar to you than you think.”
~Margot Adler – Wiccan priestess~

Of Gossamer and Moonlight (Act One)

Full moon night, and the forest is alive with the reveling light of the mother, spilling over everything and illuminating the shadows. A nice pebbly beach and dense foliage and ferns surrounds a waterfall fed pool, deep in part of the hardwood forest. The stream flows over a thirty foot cliff, and there are several caves hidden along the lower part of the stream, as it meanders along the cliff face down from the pool.

The Inner Loup Garou

Your eyes are drawn to a sudden movement on the brink of the waterfall. There you behold, in stunned wonder, a maiden standing in a ray of the mothers light. She is clothed in what seems a gossamer gown tied with ribbons. Her hair is long and almost blood black in the wavering rays of moonlight. Her skin shimmers with the richness of old ivory that has been well handled and oiled.
Just as you think to make a noise, to communicate your presence. She tilts her lovely face up to the moon and howls long and loud. You stand, stunned silent, in awe and wonder. Then just as suddenly as she appeared, she drops to her hands and knees. You hear her growl deep and long. Her lovely form starts to waver and shimmer as the moonlight bathes her. Growling and whimpering, she rips the gossamer gown from her body. You glimpse her beautiful shape but briefly, as she struggles and twists. Her face elongates and becomes a proud and shapely muzzle, her limbs seem to contort as they change shape as well. Her lovely torso shortens and sprouts Rufus fur.
You stand spellbound, it seems forever, and yet but a second. Your breath is frozen in your lungs. You finally take a breath, and there standing over you, is a wild and savage Loup Garou in all her feminine glory. She raises her slim muzzle to the moon and howls long, a spine chilling sound in the spring air. As you exhale, her deep emerald eyes lock on your face, and your eyes meet. You feel her mind meld with yours, you know her intent, and your doom, but are totally unable to prevent what you see in her mind.

Frozen in place by that strange mind, holding you immobile. You shiver and twitch, as she leaps the thirty foot distance down to you. She stands ten feet in front of you, and growls once and only once. Suddenly you are free of her mind, free of bondage. Free to chose your path, to stand and fight, or to flee helplessly off into the dense woods.

Stormy Night.

Alpha the Loup Garou

I stood upon the porch, watching the storm roll in from the west.

I lifted my human face and slowly inhaled the moist damp air.

Nostrils flaring and a muzzle appearing, I slowly slipped into my Loup Garou

form.

As the storm hit my farm, I bolted into the heart of it.

Enjoying the feeling of ozone charged air caressing my fur.

As the lightning crisscrossed the heavens, and thunder rolled.

I raised my soaked muzzle and howled.

As the storm moved away, I returned home, and as I crested the stairs.

I again returned to human, and the mundane.